Phantom Disaster
by candelight
Summary: In order to earn a little cash, Tucker decides to set up a contest with one prize in mind: A date with Danny Phantom! But with villains, girls, guys, and spies practically tearing down the doors for a chance to win, is there any hope of Danny escaping?
1. The Nightmare Begins

Phantom Disaster

_Insanity! Tucker pagherà!_

Chapter One: The Nightmare Begins

Inspired by _Ghostanim__al_'s challenge. In order to earn a little cash, Tucker decides to set up a contest with one prize in mind: A date with Danny Phantom! But with hordes of girls, guys, and spies practically tearing down the doors for a chance to win, is there any hope of our hero escaping?

* * *

Hello, everyone! *Bursts out laughing.* This fiction is a part of Ghostwriter's out-of-the-box fiction challenges. You should check them out-a lot of them are stuff I don't think you'd mind seeing!

Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy this...

Take care, everyone.

~(*)~

This was a mistake.

Danny's already large green eyes widened with dread upon the spectacle that awaited him below. His heart very nearly stopped cold in-between beats underneath his ribs, and the spots fluttering in his vision were reminding him that he was forgetting to breathe.

He'd never agreed to this. He'd **already** shouted down one of his best friends' pleas for him to participate in the raffle!

_"No way. Nu-uh. NOT GONNA HAPPEN, TUCKER. Not in a million years."_

He'd thought Tucker had-albeit grudgingly-agreed to drop it. Danny didn't care how amazing SwampMasters III, Total Annihilation, might be, nor how expensive. He wasn't going to help Tucker organize some stupid raffle.

….a raffle that would ultimately lead to a date with the ghost boy.

Tucker had pleaded Danny to go for it; after all, if he wound up with a nice (Or rich, as Tucker put it) enough girl lucky enough to win a date with him, then there would be victory on both sides.

Remembering this, Danny sucked in breath through his gritted teeth, heart fluttering frantically, like a caged bird's wings.

He was trapped.

He was trapped, and Tucker _was going to pay for this_. One way, or another.

Danny had meant to growl underneath his breath, but only a whimper escaped as he scanned the multitudes, something dropping heavily in his stomach upon seeing several male faces scattered in the crowd.

This was a joke. A terrible joke. That, or he was still sleeping peacefully alongside Tucker and Sam at the sleepover Sam had held just last night, and this was some ghastly, ghastly nightmare.

Danny shook his head vigorously, willing it to be true.

"C'mon, Phantom," he urged himself, craving for the images he was seeing to disappear before his eyes.

"Wake up. WAKE UP!"

He slapped his gloved hands over his eyes, swaying slightly.

This was not happening. Not happening. Maybe if he clicked his heels together the way Dorothy did in that weird movie, he'd wind up in his own bed, blissfully unaware that thousands of girls were swarming the building outside like a pack of excited locusts, desperate to tear the Manson gates down. A few girls, (And guys, much to his horror) as he could see, were attempting to climb the gates, and were promptly being dragged away by a very irritated, very frightened-looking Manson security crew.

Forcing himself to calm down, Danny glanced back at Sam and Tucker's empty sleeping bags-where were they, anyways?-and then at the nearby clock.

Almost 7. Did these girls...CAMP outside of the house?

Not willing to believe it, Danny glanced outside of Sam's bay windows once again.

…..yep. Tents were scattered in the crowds. One pretty brunette, upon climbing out of her tent, was reaching back inside for a curling iron.  
Mouth dropping, Danny pulled back from the window, feeling dizzy. He had woken up just minutes ago upon finally giving up the fight to ignore the continuous stream of loud noises outside…found Sam and Tucker gone…and now….this. He was glad he'd phased into ghost form-and even gladder that he'd gone intangible. If the girls had seen him, well….if they'd been riled up enough to show UP to this ridiculous…fiasco…whatever THIS was, other than a good reason to start orchestrating Tucker's funeral.

Sam and Danny had shouted the cowering techno-geek down into submission. It was a stupid idea, they'd said.

Not a single girl-pardoning an obsessive Paulina-would go for it. It was a waste of time. And a seriously screwed-up way of exposing the teen to the public. What if the Guys In White showed up in an attempt to "date" him, when all they'd do was whisk him away the moment he'd had his back turned to some...hideous lab...

The thought made Danny laugh faintly-just faintly-as he slowly retreated across the room, and sank onto the floor, trying not to tremble.

He and Sam had been wrong about everything but the last: This was dangerous.

Oh, how he wished he hadn't peeked past the curtain.

This had been a huge, terrible, terrible mistake. The moment he found Tucker, he'd send him out to the crowds to tell them all that this had been an enormous scam; a trick, and a mistake.

He wondered if there might be anything left of Tucker once the girls got their claws into him. But he supposed it didn't matter too much; Danny was going to kill him, anyway.

Well…check that. He wasn't THAT degree of angry with Tucker right about now. First, he'd submit Tucker to the torment only hundreds…(Maybe thousands! Danny's heart fluttered again) of girls who had crushes on the ghost boy could inflict on him, and then….

The ghost boy's silver palms unclenched very slightly as he phased into intangibility, and slowly walked to the window again on numb legs. He stared down at the mobs of girls happily chattering amongst one another below Sam's manor, fighting savage urges of nausea down his throat. The second time, he might have tasted bile.

Still extremely happy that he was invisible, Danny stared at the ocean of girls that had, by now, overtaken his best friend's debonair home by storm. Hundreds of posters with his portrait on them-if that wasn't just a little disturbing, he didn't know what was-girls dressed in his signature silver and black jumpsuit, a few signs that said things like, "_I'll Be Your Dirty Little Secret…." _

Ooookay, he did not need more detai-

**SLAM!**

The door ripped open, and Danny whipped around, heart racing.


	2. Something Shallow This Way Comes

Phantom Disaster

Chapter Two: Something Shallow This Way Comes

_il dolce far niente_

(~*~)

Hello, everyone! Gosh, I missed you. I hope you've been enjoying this story so far! Heh. I don't think Danny is so much at this point...

Danny: I'LL SAY I'M NOT! SOMEONE-ANY ONE OF YOU-Save me from this terrible person! **Help!** _I'm being HELD AGAINST MY WILL!_

Me: *Frowns in disapproval.* Oh, come on, Danny, it won't be all bad. It's not like I'M the one whose auctioning you off to a reviewer for a date. Say, that gives me an idea...

Danny: W-W-What do you mean?

Me: What would you say to going out with one of my lovely reviewers? I could write a scene about it and everything! Who says it has to end with one date?

Danny: *Slowly backs against the wall in sheer horror.*

You. Are. INSANE, woman!

Me: *Raising an eyebrow.* Ohhhh. So what if one our reviewers happens to be Paulina? Or a very sweet, lovely little lady who likes Danny Phantom AND Danny Fenton? Would you STILL call it off?

Danny: Whoa, now, let's not get carried away. Did Tucker pay you off?

Me: No comment. So, to all my readers, thank you very much for your kindness, and, if you're a Phan, then maybe you wouldn't mind being in this story as one of the contestants...? ;)

Danny: WAIT! DON'T I EVEN GET A SAY IN-*Sighs.* Never mind. Just write about what you'd like to do if the two of us were to go out, or if you were to make a cameo appearance in this crazy girl's fiction.

Me: Awww, Danny, that wasn't very nice! :( But yeah. ^^ Just drop me a PM or something if you'd like to be in 'Phantom Disaster.' Just for fun.

As always, I do not own Danny Phantom. Sorry, folks. Danny, you're free to go.

Danny: *Grumbles.* At last...

* * *

Danny slowly inched away from the door as Sam strode in, breathing raggedly, eyes squeezed tightly shut. For a moment, she leaned against her doorframe, chest still rising and falling with each labored breath she took. But she looked remarkably pale for someone who looked like they'd recently volunteered for the 100 meter dash at some ungodly hour.

Then, the still-astonished ghost boy glanced down at the struggling figure at Sam's feet. His green eyes narrowed in disgust.

Tucker gulped as his gaze slowly; unwillingly rose to meet the infuriated glowers of his two best friends. A nervous giggle escaped him, in spite of himself. In contrast to Sam, he looked rather flushed, but that might have had something to do with the fact that he'd fled from Sam in terror when the enraged goth had cornered him this morning when the girls had first started clamoring for camping spaces closest to the Manson gates.

Most unluckily for him, however, Sam had all but tackled him, and dragged him back into the house. Glasses sliding off of his face, Tucker tried to smile-albeit a very nervous one.

"Um…."

Danny's eyes narrowed; Tucker tried again.

"Um…happy early birthday?" he squeaked.

* * *

Black, steel-toed boot anxiously tapping the carpeted floors, Sam slowly crossed her dark bedroom, small hands clutched into fists. Tucker was staring imploringly at Danny, who, right now, was staring outside of the bedroom bay windows, skin now a starkly alabaster.

Tucker swallowed past the sickening urge to laugh, or, slightly more dominant, the urge to beg for mercy. He nervously fidgeted with his cap, stomach lurching.

"Guys, you have to understand. I swear, I didn't know THIS many people would be coming! I-"

Both Danny and Sam swung around, face still set into full-fledge scowls. Tucker blanched as the teenage girl turned to face the window, face turning apprehensive again.

"Well, maybe you should have thought of that BEFORE you invited all these crazy people!" she snapped, head nervously snapping around to face the door, as if young teenage girls were already scratching at the wood, or worse, reaching for battle-axes. Her brow furrowed as she turned her stern gaze on the groveling figure on the floor again.

"Go out and tell them that it was a FLUKE, Tuck! Danny's not going on a date with _anyone_!"

Her voice was beginning to rise into a shout.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

The room had gone quiet. Danny slowly turned his head away from the window, expression flummoxed. Sam's cheek color slowly rose into a flaming, crimson hue; whereas Tucker, (For the first and last time that day) now looked faintly amused.

The young girl immediately tried to backtrack from the line she had unknowingly crossed.

"I, uh, I mean, c'mon. A BLIND DATE? Tucker, what were you thinking? That the town wasn't about to go NUTS when their self-appointed deputy decides to go out on the DATING SCENE? That every girl and her-I don't know-her desperate, ugly friend from Wichita wasn't going to try and win?"

Tucker glared at her, finally pulling himself up from the floor, with some difficulty. His hair was completely disheveled underneath his hat, (More so then usual) and he was sporting a few violet bruises from where the girl had hit him before tussling him into a burlap sack, and tugging him back into hot water.

"Sam, Danny-it's not as bad as all THAT! They just-"

"-want to rip me apart into microscopic pieces!" exclaimed Danny, now whipping around to face the techno-geek, looking both panicked and livid.

But mostly, just panicked. He rounded on Tucker.

"Tuck, go outside. RIGHT NOW. Tell these girls that you were just having a cruel joke at their expense, and tell them all TO **GO HOME**!"

Tucker blustered, even as the girls outside began to resume their chant, more empathetically then ever: "PHANTOM! PHANTOM! PHANTOM!"

Sending the window another nervous look, Sam murmured under her breath, "And tell them to get the heck off of my property."

The young African American boy's widened.

"I can't do that! They'd kill me! Sam, they almost tore YOU apart when you went outside! And when they realized you WEREN'T Danny, all they could do was demand that you bring them the ghost boy, before they broke your door down! They're already making a _battering ram,_ for Pete's sake!"

Danny froze.

This was very, very not good. But before he could return to his thoughts, Sam angrily interrupted.

"So what? GIVE THEM THEIR MONEY BACK, TUCKER! There could be GHOST HUNTERS IN THAT CROWD, for all we know!" Her purple eyes were now ablaze as she pointed accusingly out the window.

"What about Danny's arch-enemies? What about VLAD?"

Tucker raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, c'mon, he wants to date Danny's MOM, not-"

Danny abruptly went scarlet, and Sam screamed,

"NOT FOR THAT REASON, YOU DOLT! The point is, Vlad, The Guys in White, or, or-anyone-could try to win a so-called 'date' with Danny-and end up dragging him to some godforsaken lab deep below the Earth to…."

She trailed off, and, in the now very nasty silence, Danny stepped forward, forcing himself to take a deep breath before casting a frown towards his childhood friend.

"Just DO it, Tucker. Give them their money back, and let them all go home."

More silence. Tucker slowly reached for his hat again, and began playing with the material, a slightly scared smile on his face once again. Danny raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, Tuck?"

He pointed vaguely out the window again.

"Look. I'll go with you. As regular, _Danny Fenton_. We'll give them all their money back, and we can get back to having a _normal weekend_, for once."

Another pause. Tucker's eyes flickered towards Sam's bedspread.

"Um….have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE your new upholstery?" he commented, pointing feebly at the royal blue cloth. "It's really, really tasteful-shows just how much aesthetic taste a girl of such CLASS as yourself, has, Sam-"

Sam slowly stepped forwards, hand on her hip. Her expression was suspicious.

"Tucker…is something….wrong?"

Like a mouse realizing he'd been cornered, Tucker started, and slowly, began to break out into a cold sweat.

"N-n-no! Something w-wrong? T-Th..That's r-ridiculous!"

But he was biting his lip by this point. The boy instinctively began twiddling with his glasses, and Danny was starting to notice more moisture beading his best friend's brow.

Something akin to horror passed in Sam's eyes. Desperate, she seized Tucker's shoulders, and shook violently.

"TUCKER? You. Do. Still. Have. Their. Money. Right?"

"Did I mention the fact that I just LOVE your parents' new interior decorator? Just MARVELOUS, you know, what they did with your dining room's wall pai-"

A dam of ignorance burst in Danny, and, in a torrent of freezing water, realization flooded in Danny's insides. He made a wild grab for Tucker's shoulders, tugging his friend to his feet with some difficulty. His own legs had gone quite numb.

"Tucker?"

The boy moaned, and buried his face in his hands, peeping out at the aghast teenagers with an 'egg on my face' look.

"I'm sorry, Danny. I'm sorry Sam. I kinda...well...y'see, there was a sale, yesterday...so I..."

Sam's eyes narrowed, and Tucker buried his entire face.

"...I spent all of their entry money. Every cent. We can't give them a refund. And...all sales at Geek Squad Electronics are...final."

**"YOU DID WHAT?"**

A stuffed octopus flew across the room, just narrowly avoiding hitting the techno geek, but Sam's aim had improved with the next item she had seized; her backpack. Tucker was slowly moving up from his previous duck, but soon enough, a plum backpack flew across the room, smacking the astonished boy directly in the face.

"OW! Sam, you-"

Danny began to violently shake Tucker, expression desperate.

"Tucker. You've got to be joking. If you just take these...crazed weirdos-" (He gestured frantically to the girls still attempting to climb the gates of the Mansons' compound) "-money, they're going to get the law involved! You know they have every _**RIGHT**_ to!"

Tucker moaned, ducking to avoid a flying plastic skull clock being hurled by Sam.

"I KNOW! Which is why you've got to go out there, and-"

"NO WAY, Tucker! I AM NOT, I repeat, AM NOT doing this!"

Sam nodded vigorously in emphasis, still busy searching her nearby dresser drawers for several other more throwable items. Outside, there was a loud CRUNCHING sound, which had the girl whip her head up, and glance worriedly at the nearby door. But neither Tucker nor Danny noticed. Tucker threw himself on his knees, hands clasped, as if in prayer.

"PLEASE, Danny! I'm too young to wind up sued!"

"Sued? YOU'LL be lucky if you don't wind up in JAIL!"

All the color drained out from Tucker's face. He seized his best friend's T-shirt, face imploring. Danny's face blanched.

"Dude-where's your dignity?"

"Danny, I'm too YOUNG to go to jail! I'm too NICE to go to prison! Besides!" He added, his voice breaking out into a near, puppy-like whimper, "They don't HAVE WI-FI, for Pete's sake!"

A maid shrieked from below. Sam slowly got to her feet, something dreadful slowly dawning on her as she soon began to hear a parade of stamping feet rushing about nearby.

"Guys...? D'you think MAYBE we ought to...focus on something else? Like...getting Danny out of here, before...?"

But neither were listening.

"Danny, please! If those girls SEE YOU HERE, and know that you're not really going to date any of them-"

"Tucker, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to face the music, this time. I can't-"

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Plllleeeeaaassseeeeeee?" Tucker drew out the word like a little boy asking for a cookie. Danny groaned, and slapped a hand across his harrid face, slowly dragging it down.

"Tuck, nooooooooooooooo."

"Please? I'll be your best friend!"

"You ARE my best friend!"

"Well, yeah, but seriously, Danny..."

Suddenly, footsteps began THUD-THUD-THUDDING on the steps. The three froze, words dying on Danny and Tucker's lips into empty air.

A split moment of silence.

**BAM!**

Just as Danny meant to grab Tucker and Sam's arms, and phase outside, (And hopefully, make tracks for Canada) the door burst open. A young redhead burst into the room, face drenched in sweat, chest heaving. Her green eyes wildly flickered around the room before they alighted on Danny's stunned, luminous figure.

A pause.

Cara stared at Danny.

Danny stared at Cara.

Then, a shriek tore from her lips. Tucker sent an incredulous glance at Sam, who shot a disgusted one back. Still shrieking, the girl rushed towards the splintered remains of Danny's door, and screamed out, "HE'S HERE!"

More screams; more shrieks; and suddenly, the nightmare streamed in: Girls were dashing up the stairs, tripping over one another, shouting, complaining, and cheering as they burst through the room.

"WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE, WHERE IS HE, WHERE-OH MY GAWD! It's PHANTOM! PHANTOM, I LOVE YOU, BABY!"

Very suddenly regaining feelings in his legs, Danny all but leapt into the air, as if someone had just pressed a fiery poker to his side, remembering just in time to grab both Sam and Tucker's arms before the two could be ultimately squashed by the oncoming mob of girls still streaming in, fighting to make room.

"Phantom! Phantom, I love you!"

Star wheeled around to glare at Cara, face ablaze.

"BACK OFF, SISTER! I SAW HIM, FIRST!"

Cara's face went as red as her hair as Danny frantically glided out of reach from the many clutching and grasping hands below; some girls actually hopping on the bed in an attempt to reach him.

"Girl, I didn't start this, but it's ON! THAT DATE WITH PHANTOM IS MINE!"

"No, mine!"

"MINE!"

Tucker cleared his throat from somewhere above Sam's chandelier, still dangling in midair. Sam was too busy wincing as she watched books tumble from her shelves to say anything.

"Hey, ladies? If you're looking for a good time, then maybe..."

The cheers and wolf-whistlings abruptly turned into jeers, and a scattered series of boos broke out. Tucker rolled his eyes as Paulina whipped around to face her cheer squad, face terrifyingly livid.

"Help me make a human pyramid, you guys! I CAN'T REACH HIM! Hey, hey Phantom!"

Danny's stomach did loop-the-loops as he took in the sight of so many girls swarming inside and out, core pulsating, mind spinning. Sam's eyes widened as her bookshelf tumbled.

"HEY! DO I HAVE TO CALL THE COPS? GET OUT OF HERE?"

"Shut up, goth! Get your paws off MY Danny P!"

For a kind and sensible girl, it was remarkable just how dangerous Sam looked right about now. Tucker uneasily attempted to inch away from her in midair, which, all things considered, was not easy.

"Sam?"

"What?" she hissed, fumbling desperately in her pockets for her cellphone. "Tucker, you're paying for the repair damages, I hope you realize that-"

Tucker tactfully ignored her.

"I can get them to quiet down, and go away!"

"Then-ermph-DO it already!" She cried, resisting the urge to kick at a girl still hopping repeatably on her bed. Paulina was already beginning to climb the pyramid of girls, hearing loud "Ows!" and "Ooomphs!" of complaint as she tugged on an occasional limb to tug herself forwards.

Tucker simply beamed, and, summing up his strength, shouted,

"HEY, CONTESTANTS! STILL INTERESTED IN THE DATE WITH PHANTOM?"

Danny shot him a frantic look; this made them worse; piercing screams and whoops broke out in unison, and girls began breaking out into an even wilder frenzy. Tucker seized a nearby megaphone resting on a nearby shelf.

"THEN YOU'LL WANT TO LISTEN TO, UH, MY INSTRUCTIONS! ANYONE WHO FAILS TO COMPLY WILL IMMEDIATELY BE, Umm...DISQUALIFIED!"

Shouts of protest, catcalls, and boos broke out, though some girls were actually listening now. Outside the room, large shushes could be heard, and girls began anxiously glancing at each other, silencing their giggles.

Convinced that he was at last making progress, Tucker pulled out the black megaphone once again.

"Okay! Now, listen up, everyone! Anyone who has already paid the contest entry fee must head outside, for, uh, registeration! Then, uhhh..."

Tucker scratched his head, clearly at a loss. But suddenly, his face brightened, and then he went on:

"Then, er, you sign up! And leave...those essays that I told you to write in the In-box! And then, at about, er, noon, we'll start choosing qualifying contestants for the next round!"

"Next round?" Danny hissed, eyes widening to the size of dinner plates. "NEXT ROUND?"

But Tucker appeared to not have heard him.

"That's right! Earn your right for a romantic date with Amity Park's very own ghost boy, Danny Phantom!" he shouted. The cheers were starting up again, and girls were already filing hurriedly out the room, irritably pushing and shoving at one another in evident desperation. Tucker raised an eyebrow, and he raised the megaphone up once more:

"And in SINGLE-FILE LINES, ladies! Otherwise, you can AND WILL be disqualified! No trampling! Or stamping! Or stomping! Or storming! Or pushing and shoving!"

"How about MAIMING?" one irritated girl answered below as the girls grudgingly began to retreat, slowly forming into a reluctant line.

It appeared Tucker's hearing really was ghastly today, because he appeared not to have heard her. Slowly, casting longing looks (And occasionally blowing kisses) at the ghost boy's stunned figure, they slowly left, making their way down the spiral staircase.

* * *

Quiet began to filter in once more as Danny slowly turned to look at Tucker. Tucker shrugged, and helplessly threw his hands in the air.

"Hey. It worked, didn't it?"

Still more silence. Then, Tucker smirked.

"You can thank me later, Danny. After all, I did just snag you a date."

"...I'll get you for this."

Outside the Manson's home, a young girl slowly walked towards the slightly trampled looking grounds, face calm, eyes set. A flyer was clenched, crumpled in her fist, and her mouth was a thin line.

Hung casually over her arm-as if it really were just a harmless school bag- was her ghost-fighting gear.

Valerie Gray stopped at the Manson's house, coolly surveying the many people still swarming about, chattering excitedly to each other. She raised an eyebrow.

How long had it been since she'd been to something like this-where she'd been a worshipping teenage girl at some Rock star's debut or Autograph signing?

For a moment, her eyes flickered, and something skin to sadness passed her brow. But remembering where she was, the moment soon past, and fiery resentment errupted in her stomach.

Stupid, stupid teenage idiot girls. What was Phantom to them, _**a friggin' god?**_

Face breaking out into anger, her teeth clenched, and her hands slowly curled into fists, knuckles turning a starkly white.

If Phantom really DID show up at this...this WEIRD...this stupid...THING some moron had put together, well, then...

Her hand casually flickered inside her bag, towards the AERO-DALV Millimeter Ecto Gun she had received just days ago.

Her hands curled around the handgun, her fingers tracing past the nuzzle, to the handle, to the trigger.


	3. Nothing's Fair In Love And War

Nothing's Fair in Love and War

_Danny: (Singing) Candle's in trouble, candle's in trooouuubbbllleee!_

_Authoress: *Considers writing tragic story in which Danny Phantom unceremoniously has a piano dumped on his head from the third story window…..* Alright, alright, I get it. It's been awhile. I've been bad. Instead of working on these stories, I've been busy with schoolwork…._

_Danny: That you conveniently kept putting off till the last minute._

_Authoress: Dealing with some life changing news and circumstances…._

_Danny: Which you often handled by crying, running around the block in circles, or eating ice cream…._

_Authoress: Getting ready for college…._

_Danny: "Getting ready for college" must mean neglecting to fill out the paperwork until the very last second. Because you can't stand to ask people for help for a flippin' change._

_Authoress: Trying to revise my style of writing with another Fanfiction profile…_

_Danny: Which, also is full of stories you have yet to finish. And, honestly? You've got a sick little mind, do you know that?_

_Authoress *Smiles pleasantly* Does anyone know of a fine piano emporium in the area? Anyway, roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own, so please, don't sue! A lot of these girls are characters that my reviewers requested to see-don't worry if you submitted a request and haven't seen your name yet. :) _

* * *

"Danny, I will never, ever ask you for another thing again."

"That's what you said when you asked me to go ghost and slip you inside the Girls' Locker room. And just like last time, you're going to wind up losing teeth."

"Only this time, you're going to lose a few limbs as well," grumbled Sam, staring unhappily at the crowds still pushing and shoving for coveted places in line. Her pale, heart shaped face grew shiny from the sweat (Simmer, as she insisted) dripping down her face. "I really don't like this. There's bound to be a few creeps in this crowd who mean nothing good for Danny."

Still sitting in his folding chair, Tucker carelessly leaned back, relaxed, next to an enormous, empty glass punch bowl that had cost Sam's mother a small fortune to afford. Next to it was a large pile of ballots.

"Sam, just relax! If there ARE a lot of weirdos here, and worst comes to worst, then when it's time to draw someone out of the top twelve, Danny will just draw one out and find YOUR name." Tucker's eyes glittered mischievously behind his glasses as the crowds tittered, impatient for the three to begin the lot-signing. "I get my new Gaming System, the girls will at least know that someone won fair and square-"

Sitting to the right side of his best friend whom he dearly wanted to maim, Danny frowned, quipping an eyebrow.

"'Fair and Square?' Tuck, you just SAID you were going to cheat!"

Tucker sighed long-sufferingly.

"Look, unless this chick happens to be really, really nice, or, more importantly, really, really cute, it's just what we'll do. You get your peace, I get my happiness-"

"You get to keep your skin, that's what it is, because I'm charging you at LEAST forty percent of the profits-"

Tucker appeared to be hearing poorly this morning.

"And Sam gets to go on a date with Danny! Not a bad deal, huh?"

Sam abruptly smacked her best friend, her face now flaming; whereas Danny buried his face in his hands, wishing that the world would swallow him up and spit him back out-preferably in China-more than ever. Tucker cowered as Sam raised her hand once again, reconsidered, and reached for her _Bonjour Spider_ backpack strap still on her arm.

"H-Hey, take it easy, there! I think you packed an encyclopedia in there for our homework last night!"

"Two, actually," muttered Sam, as the girls' picked up their screaming pitches an octave louder. Wincing, she slammed her hands over her ears, cringing. Tucker seemed quite comfortable….though that might have been due to the rubber plugs he had safely stationed in his ears.

"Ugh! They're going to start breaking my windows if they keep this up! And this time, they don't even need to start heaving themselves at the windows with their ladders and cherry pickers!" she snapped, wringing her hands before she ducked an oncoming tomato from a more impatient and somewhat more enthusiastic participant.

Tucker cast Danny an anxious look. "Dude, maybe you should show yourself again. Might appease them."

Sam blanched.

"Uh, by, 'appease them,' you mean, '_put them in an absolute feeding frenzy_?' And someone might try to attack Danny in all this mess!"

"Not like they haven't already tried," muttered Danny, rubbing his aching scalp. Some charming, charming girls had decided they wanted a memento of their hero, and had promptly started attempting to rip out Danny's silvery hair when the boy had first fled from the house.

A few ghosts HAD indeed showed up at the event….including Kitty, (Who'd mainly just wanted to infuriate her boyfriend again) Ember….who mainly wanted to use the event as a publicity stunt, AFTER she beat Danny's head in, and, most terrifyingly of all, a blue-skinned, pallow wraith with vampiric fangs and a tiara. Unsettlingly enough, she could have passed as Plasmius' extremely attractive teenage daughter. After she'd effortlessly phased her way in, she'd cheerfully introduced herself as the 'Blue Vampire Queen of Abiland,' (Was Abiland an actual country?) and that she had no intention of reducing herself as a common, craven whelp in this stupid competition.

Before Danny could get the thermos out, Sam demanded, "Uh…..nice. Really nice. So _why_ are you here?"

Her fingers inched hungrily again to the Spectral Lipstick that hung on her belt, relieved she finally had an excuse to use it. But the….whatchamacallit ghost had only snickered at her, called her a clueless wench, and seized the startled ghost boy's palm, observed it for a moment, and announced that she could see his future.

She'd scribbled a phone number on a silver hand, and had immediately thrown herself out of the window, dissolving in a cloud of dark, royal blue smoke.

Hadn't been a total loss. Unbeknownst to her, she'd also left with Tucker's number in her pocket.

The sun was high in the air; it was already twenty after ten. Tucker had been forced to recalculate to ten-thirty as to allow the desperate trio some time to prepare. It now came to a Drawing of Lots for the girls who had decent essays on why they wanted to go out on a date with Danny Phantom. Tucker had already reviewed most of them, and now, the three were flickering through some of the entries in the humongous piles of paper near the table, Danny's face changing colors faster than a traffic light.

"_'I really, really hope that ghosts can have babies with humans and stuff, because I seriously want….'_aagghh!" Screaming in horror ars Danny immediately set the entry down, and surreptitiously set the piece of paper aflame with spectral fire underneath the table, incinerating it immediately. Tucker picked up another entry, and shuffled through a few more, looking disappointed.

"This one's not bad….wants a movie, a nice picnic at the beach, and….oh…oh, no, she wants to be married by midnight, that's no good….say! This person doesn't really describe what they want to do on their date, but they have some nice pickup lines! _'__If you were a laser you would be set on stunning. Did you have Lucky Charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious! Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next boyfriend. It's a good thing that I have my library card. Why? Because I am totally checking you out!' _And, here's another one-"

Sam wearily shoved a few papers away, looking exhausted.

"_These_ were the most non-psycho ones you could draw out? Why didn't you just check into an insane asylum and get some more rational ones?"

Tucker hungrily surveyed the lines outside the house, his olive green eyes practically dollar signs as girls pushed and shoved at one another in line, occasionally spouting out nasty names at one another, but at least there were no teeth flying in the air.

Anymore, that is. The Maintenance for the Manson Estate were going to be very upset come Monday when they came for cleanup and found a few molars in the ground. Although Sam was a true fan of the slightly morbid and macabre, THIS was just pathetic.

Meanwhile, in line, a tall man wearing an extremely curly wig set with pigtails turned to his partner, looking dismayed.

"I feel ridiculous, Martin."

Martin scoffed.

"You SHOULD. No one wears white after Labor Day, you know. I guess that makes us kind of…unhip."

The pale, bald compatriot of the GIW scowled at his partner, rolling his eyes underneath his shades in disgust.

"You. Are. _Pathetic_, Martin. Y'know what? I'm _glad_ we've been camouflaged in this humiliating ensamble! I don't think I could stand being seen with you here, even if it is asinine undercover work. The Phantom kid's got to be the biggest blowhard alive if he's genuinely serious about this."

"I say we blast him out of the sky the moment he appears again," Martin snapped, slowly withdrawing a vicious looking pistol from the inside of his white jacket, a nasty grin appearing on his powdery face and Peach Mango glossed lips. "The van's waiting in the back, so we're more than prepared to neutralize the boy immediately and begin a variety of-"

A finger abruptly jabbed him in the ribs from behind. Both men whipped around with scowls on their faces, only to come across a very ugly scene: No less than seven teenage girls were glowering at him, one girl holding up a curling iron at the ready. One of the teenagers, a pretty Hispanic girl who had dark hair and blonde highlights-who seemed to be the leader of the lot, stepped forward, expression cordial. Almost frighteningly so.

"_Hola!_ My name is Sage Tappe! I'm fourteen years old, and I go to-"

"Don't care," Ron snarled in a most unladylike fashion, flicking open his gleaming badge, and slowly slipping his Spectral Stungun back into its holster. A fatal miscalculation. "You'd do well not to hamper government business, girl."

Sage smiled kindly back at him, dark eyes twinkling.

"Oooh! GIW? I've heard about you guys. Very interesting! Does it interest YOU to know that WE have badges, too?"

As if on par with some bizarre signal, all seven of the girls immediately flipped open tiny black wallets with silver stitching engraved into an insignia on front. Seven badges, all identical, save for the numbers on each of them, gleamed in the sunlight. The only exception's was Sage's, whose badge was gold, and had a number 23# on it. Martin cast a bewildered look at Ron, who, even behind his shades, looked equally mystified.

Sage cleared her throat, suddenly all business:

"We're the members of the Wisconsin branch of the DP fanclub, MA'AM, and we held several fundraisers so that we could afford train fare to come down here," she said pleasantly, nonchalantly dipping her head slightly. Two of the seven girls casually stepped forwards from behind the two men, hands jammed into their pockets. But Sage continued, much as she had before:

"We all worked for weeks to make perfect entries, and we included in each a very, very discreet footnote that if Phantom takes out one of us, he takes out ALL OF US." Sage raised an eyebrow, a coy smile beginning to shape her lip. "Personally, I don't normally go for that, but, as I hold one of the lowest roles in the national fanclub-"

_"'National Fanclub?'"_ quoted Ron, sounding revolted. "Where do you ladies find TIME for garbage like this?"

It seemed a morning where everyone's hearing aids were turned a mite low. Sage went on as if the man hadn't spoken:

"-titles, of number 23# fan in the world, then Seniority gives me rights to have Danny to myself if I choose. We've worked for too long to get here, and any attempt to dissuade us can and will end up in someone's limbs being amputated in Unnecessary Surgery."

Sage's eyes narrowed.

"And HARMING Danny, especially before the top twelve girls are chosen to have an actual interview with him, COUNTS. You may give yourself a nice mascara job-"

"Thanks, it's been awhile since I've actually-"

"-but anyone who tries to hurt him has to get through me, first." Sage put a hand on her side, expression humorless. "So you best make yourself scarce."

The two men stared at her, startled. They stared at the other, equally mutinous fanclub girls. They stared at each other.

And then, they started howling with laughter. Martin doubled over, tears spilling out from his eyes as he felt his ribs creaking from the amount of chuckles pouring through his throat, nearly gagging him. Ron had whipped his head back, cackling, gloved hand clutching the stitch growing in his side.

Calmly, Sage surveyed the scene, even as girls stopped their screaming to cast curious looks in their direction. She nodded her head ever so slightly once again.

The other two girls withdrew small, smiling Danny Phantom plushies from their pockets, which were conveniently connected to sets of car keys. Another girl raised her hair dryer like a club, while another girl found a small rock on the ground. And three others crept up, like a ravenous cheetah pack ready to feed. By the time both members had whipped around, it was too late; each had been tackled by three girls, while Sage admired a bird fluttering overhead.

_"Ow-not the shins!" _

And I don't believe there's any more use in covering this passage of the story. Unfortunately for the GIW, there had been no one to enforce the rules frowning against maiming competition. And, well the only things I can now bring myself to say pertaining to their current state of wellbeing is that: A, Thank heavens their jobs offered quality health coverage, and B, there are so many, many better places to shove a Danny Phantom plush keychain then in your person.

Nearby, a young Asian teenager cheerfully exited from the mansion next door, football cradled in his right arm. Almost immediately detecting the ruckus, (He would have had to have gum and silly putty shoveled in his ears not to) his eyes flickered curiously over to the hordes at Manson's house, picking out one familiar figure hiding under a Sports' Jersey. His brow disappeared from his hairline from shock, and he immediately approached his best buddy, looking stunned.

"Uh…D-Dash?"

A pair of angry violet eyes glared into his.

"Yeah…I came here with Paulina. I figure one date with the guy she likes won't kill her."

Qwan still stared at him. Paulina didn't seem to be anywhere near this part of the line. Nettled, Dash twiddled his fingers.

"….she's up front. She knows I'm here, of course-I'm just holding her place. I-In case she'd rather be in the back. You never know."

He still stared.

"….I want Phantima's autograph. He saved my life."

Qwan's face still seemed set on screensaver. Enraged, Dash swat his best buddy in the shoulder, sending him sprawling to the ground.

"GET OFF OF ME, OKAY? I REALLY NEED THIS!"

* * *

While Sam surveyed quite a nasty brawl going on somewhere in line with her binoculars, Tucker handed the confused ghost boy a homemade device. It was a megaphone.

"Dude, I think you might need this."

Rolling his eyes, Danny ducked, and discreetly slid out of sight three seconds later under the table, and, with a brief flash of light, transfigured into Danny Phantom. Abruptly turning intangible, Danny rose a safe fifteen feet into the air, and rose another five for good measure. Peering down at his best friends' faces-respectively for Tucker and Sam, there was both delight and ill-concealed horror-Danny cringed.

And slowly, blushing, became tangible once again.

The screams picked up immediately as eyes drew towards the curious shape that had materialized into the sky, and girls' hands writhed in midair, grasping, clutching, clawing-at the air, and at one another in their attempts to reach him. Blushing darkly, trying to hide the smile that was threatening to spill off his face, Danny raised the megaphone, and coughed on the tight knot in his throat until tears gleamed in his eyes.

He could kill Tucker for this, and almost kiss him. He was still debating.

At last, he did speak, having to raise his voice over the shrieks below, despite having an amplifier.

"Uh…..hi."

He waved pathetically; the screams picked up. Drawing a hand awkwardly behind his head, Danny grinned in spite of himself, rocking gaily in the breeze. Gosh, he'd never been accustomed to feeling quite so…wanted. If it wasn't on a terrifying scale, this would totally be awesome. He raised the megaphone once again.

"So, um, everyone…everyone clear on the rules?"

More screaming. It produced an effect shriller then his ghostly wail! Danny slammed a hand over his ear, and raised another one for quiet.

Silence. Deathly silence. Pardoning the strange sounds of what suspiciously sounded like a hair dryer being repeatably whacked over someone's head. Shocked, and rather impressed, Danny lowered his hands like a maestro: Screams.

He raised them. Stop.

Lower. Screams and cheers.

Raised them. Sto-

"TODAY, DANNY!" came Sam's roar, somewhere beneath all the yelling.

Startling, Danny flushed, and smiled, keeping his hands raised before he spoke into the megaphone once again.

"I'm…thrilled you're all here." Now he kinda was, once he got past the nausea, which was surprisingly easy to do, now. "I, uh….take it everyone knows the rules?"

The resulting Roar gave him an all too clear YES.

Danny smiled in turn, faintly oblivious to the fact that someone now had an irate green eye glowering at him from the crowds, with his face in her sites.

He'd said a few more things, disappeared before things really got out of hand, and reappeared as typical teenager Danny Fenton at the Registration booth. At last, Tucker cut the ribbon-and had ran like an explorer dashing away from a horde of storming rhinos as they'd all come charging in. He'd only just barely made it to his seat, nearly losing his hat and glasses in the process.

Tucker immediately looked up into the eyes of the first girl in line, and blushed. A very pretty teenage girl with very fair hair that swayed as dreamily as though she were in a shampoo commercial was smiling down at Tucker, her large, doe-like eyes twinkling as though they belonged to one of those toy baby dolls that deliberately have stars painted in their eyes, with an almost ethereal, mysterious glow for her supple looking skin, and she very soft looking, pink lips, with a tastefully decorated form that could almost belong to an actual-

Face irate, Sam abruptly socked Tucker in the back of the head, slamming his face into the table with a THUD, before giving an angry stare at the bemused girl still standing in front of the booth.

"Name?" she barked.

Wow. She was hardcore stuff. The girl smiled politely, wondering if it would be considered bad manners to throw Sam over the table, beat her over the head with her folding chair, and triumphantly roar out her dominance as Pasty McGothGoth was wheeled off to the ER.

"Rosette Robertson," she said sweetly, fingering her 1# badge number smugly. Good Lord, how much thought had she put into this? "I had my Mum drop me off here three days ago. Your house's surveillance was getting kind of annoying, so I had to kip out in the woods for a little while. You should really do some spraying for those gnats-they really get nippy at night."

Sam stared at the girl, torn between disgust and half a percent of what could possibly be called respect.

"….uh…..where d'you come, from?"

Rosette was happily signing her name on a slip. Once she carefully folded it up, she reached into her purse for a tube of lipstick, carefully applied a generous coating, and kissed the white sheet of paper, leaving a kiss smudge before she promptly wrote her phone number on it, and dropped it into the nearby box. She cast the three stunned teenagers a warm smile, and then, bowed down to kiss both Danny and Tucker on the forehead. Blushing furiously, she at last withdrew, and started to skip away from the booth. But then she turned, and cast a flirtatious wave at the two boys dumbly staring back at her.

"Three things: One, Tell Phantom that if he wants a winner, he can ring me up anytime. Two…."

Rosette giggled.

"Boys, tell Phantom there's A LOT MORE THAN that comin' his way. And, hon," She cast a slightly sympathetic look in Sam's direction, who looked ready to start chewing through the table-"I hail from England. I convinced my Mum to bring us over for a trip to visit her sister just so that I could compete. Beat that."

And with that, she walked away, leaving a livid Sam breathing heavily through her nose, her mad purple eyes ablaze. Regaining some of his senses, Danny decided that he did indeed value his neck-it was a rather nice one-and nervously shifted away from Sam, rubbing ruefully at the kiss on his forehead. Tucker, however, was dreamily staring in the direction Rosette had gone, cheek in hand as another girl stepped up to register.

"Wow. I'm never going to wash my face again," he sighed. "D'you suppose that there could be a consolation prize for all the poor, poor girls who don't win?"

Sam snorted.

"Tucker, the only good that's going to come out this stupid scheme is that you now have plenty of money for a few decent operations once this whole mess is over."

Gulping, Tucker cast an anxious glance at another young girl who was stepping up to sign up, and tried to smile. It looked painful.

"Hi! Are you aware of the contest rules?"

He hurriedly grabbed a ballot, scribbled something on the back of it, and held it up. The brunette bent down, squinting as she tried to make out the boy's nearly illegible handwritten message. It looked suspiciously like, "HELP ME."


End file.
